I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
