"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
