I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
