you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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