like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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