fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
