woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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