remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
