I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize