i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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