Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
