Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
