last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
