I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
3 2 1 whiskey
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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