I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
