Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
