I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
