fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
