I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
