i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
