Do you still have your period?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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