I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
