Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
is that a dick in a sweater?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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