Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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