Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she looked like the before picture.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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