i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
