i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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