This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
