Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
