I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
