omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
