I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
