Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love having hate sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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