ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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