"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
