she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
