i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
