If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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