i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
