It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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