When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
