pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
