who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
