I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
