she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
