Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
