she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
