i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
