And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
