One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
