I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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